Her soul yearned greatly for what it was she could not bring herself to cry for. She had multiple requests but now kneeling in His presence, she couldn’t bring herself to ask, what if the speculations of man matched with that of God’s?
Once upon a time she had tried to conform to the rules of the society, she had decided she wanted to become uncomfortable in her body because society hated her body type, she needed to attain that ‘model figure’ everyone liked especially him. He didn’t like that her stomach was almost on the same level with her breasts, so she decided she was going to give him what he wanted. Her spirit was imprisoned in her quest to please him and so she stopped eating normally, she went from three square a day to one horizontal line that couldn’t even complete a square, her stomach only remained how it was while she was being hit slowly with anorexia, depression set in without her even noticing. All she wanted to do was appeal to him and the society while she became a victim of the devil’s lies that she would never fit into the promises of God because His decision supposedly went in line with the society’s. She had forgotten who she was in Christ whom she had always built her solace in, she forgot about the power God had given her to fight the war and so she gave in totally. Values lost, self respect withdrawn, she believed everything he always said.
One day, he left her with a note expressing his displeasure of how she turned out to be, he liked how she was before and he didn’t think he could cope with what she had become now, he wanted to be with someone the society would approve of, not one who starved herself.
She didn’t know how long she cried for, but she knew she was losing count of the number of days she had been crying alongside starving herself. Suicide became an option; consolation came from nowhere as no one knew what it was she was going through, even when she ran back to God and asked that he take away the pain, the silence she had received was defeaning. She was stuck in between her suicidal thoughts and running back totally to God, a part of her hoped he would come back on his knees.
Weeks turned into months and she knew he wasn’t coming back. His instagram reeked of girls who seemed to be better than her, her esteem level dropped faster than she could spell ‘I’, it was worse that she knew that she had an option to run back to the life she had built with God before he came along with the society but she remained in denial as she hoped he would come back one way or the other. It didn’t help that her entire body refused help from anybody but if there was one thing she knew how to do, she knew how to prodigally run back to God, she knew he would never get tired of her living in self pity.
On her knees she went as wept unto Him, everyone made mistakes yeah? This was her own mistake and she pleaded for her forgiveness just this time. Depression wasn’t easy to get over but she was determined to get over it. She missed him though but she wanted solace from the only comforter and so she cried. In her tears she was reminded of how much she was a proof of His miracle, she was that voice crying out in the wilderness unto the Temple of the Most High. She declared that she was in His image even if the society did not agree, she felt the burdens being lifted off her shoulders as she cried unto him. For hours she laid there as she confessed her sins and when she stood up, she knew she had a journey to begin in the most High. The society had left a lot of scars behind, it was going to take a while to heal but she was going to heal definitely.
PS: I don’t have anorexia o
This is one of those times I write as it comes so forgive the pattern its coming in.
Note: The Holy Spirit listens every time, just direct everything to Him and you’ll be fine.
Note: Nobody said the walk with God was going to be easy, again you’ll lose a lot of people, this I can testify to.
Note: At the end of it all, God is the greatest comfort. 2corinthians 1: 3-6
Note: you have every right to relate this story to me, but just know I’m not one to starve myself for anybody
Note: This is the end of these notes (Excerpts from the Law prays and praise)
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Published by Ayo